SHEER

SHEER: Sexuality Health Education to End Rape

This is a coalition I am part of, and we just accrued a website! Check us out and please consider joining us if you're interested!

www.sheeronline.org

I hope to write a substantial post soon! Thank you for taking time to check in.

I will leave you with hopes that you are enjoying peace, love, good sexy times and sweet sweet rides!

Proactivity

It feels good to be back to Sex & Bicycles! Right now I feel like we need to talk about a couple of ways to be proactive about what we want. So...

A century ride is a 100 mile bike trip. I've been on a bicycle for sixteen young & wonderful months now, and have yet to ride 100 miles in one sitting. I am planning a trip up from Chicago to Milwaukee, with my destination being the Tool Shed, An Erotic Boutique. Anyone want to come along? It is my understanding that it should take me 5-7 hours if I go on my own, and 4-6 hours if I go with a group. Right now I only own a fixie, but I can make it a single speed. I don't know how I feel about riding a fixie 100 miles... I may want to cut my legs off by the end and I do miss coasting. This might be a good excuse to finally build up a decent road ride! Also, any ideas for a route and place to stay for 1 night?

So, a century ride is a 100 mile bike trip, right? A century ride in 2010 means a 100 mile ride in the 21st century, ya digg? 100 miles is a far distance, not so far on a bicycle, but nonetheless is a far distance, agreed? I believe that we have come 100 figurative miles in the Anti-Rape movement in the past 40 years. My evidence is that we have anti-rape laws, sexual assault advocates in court and hospitals, sex education and rape prevention coalitions. But, let us consider the fact that it is 2010, soon to be 2011, and we still have things like this happening. This video depicts Yale Fraternity brothers chanting, "No means yes! Yes means anal!" I've got a few things to clarify about this statement:

1. No does not mean yes, and yes does not mean anal. The only time I can imagine that being correct is when partners discuss language and decide that is how they want to engage one another. And if that is the case, those people need to have other words to stand in for "no" and "yes," safe words.

2. It is not okay that future lawyers, CEOs, politicians and doctors are chanting such words. Yale graduates are typically thought to hold strong roles in our society. They hold a lot of weight in their fields, so people are more likely to believe what they have to say. Therefore, they need to become educated on rape culture and sexual health before they become leaders. If they do not, rape culture will continue, and we will continue to hear chants supporting assault, people will continue experiencing assault and it will be normalized because people in power will practice it. I am not saying that all of these graduates will rape, but they will continue supporting a culture that supports rape if they do not become educated.

3. You can help facilitate this education. You can help stop this behavior in relatively simple ways. One way is to talk about current events such as this one, and specifically about how chants like this one make it easier for people to rape because it is explicitly supported and normalized by people we are taught to respect.

However, I know that conversations like this one can feel awkward and untimely, so a more fun way is to practice open communication about what you want and do not want with your sexual partner(s). Think about this. Let's hypothetically say you want to be spanked during sex and your partner has never done that before. By telling them what you want, showing them where you want it and explaining how hard/soft you want it, you are giving them the chance to understand less traditional sexual behaviors. Whether or not they spank you is up to them, but the conversation about consensual spanking happened, and they will bring that knowledge with them to their next partner(s). Talking about untraditional desires can be frightening, that is for sure, so take your time. It can be helpful to discuss less threatning things first, and move on to the other desires later. Either way, you are making a positive difference in our culture's understanding of sexuality by talking about what you want! How fabulous is that?

FYI

I took a full time job that has been taking up most of my energy, so have not felt up to posting on sex & bicycles! :(

I will be back within the next month, after I've adjusted to the new job and lifestyle!

Please stay tuned.

In the mean time, if you're interested in riding bikes or having sex, please be safe!

violence of the sexuality fold

Let's chat about a recent happening I've stumbled upon.

First of all, will someone please tell me about gender violence

and how it ties into sexuality violence?

I want to hear about how these are and are not related,

because I find a line between them so easily,

yet I know the majority does not.

Please help me learn, folks.

A person grabbed my breast twice without my consent and said that it was okay for him to do so because he was gay. I might understand where he was coming from; he may have meant that he felt comfortable with touching my body because his intentions were not to have sex with me. However, when it comes to touching my body, I do not care what your gender and sexuality are. My breasts are my wonderful breasts, and people may not touch them based on their sexuality. If someone wants to touch, they need to ask to touch. Breasts certainly are beautiful and fun to touch! But the two round, tender and- in some places and certain situations- hard parts are a woman's own. People can enjoy them together, enthusiastically, if they do so with consent in mind. It is not okay to grab any part of a person's body without asking them first, irregardless of gender or sexuality. In fact, you may be surprised just what your partner(s) will do with their body, and allow you to do with their body, if you respect and honor their decision to consent or not to consent.

Just sayin'... ;)

prowtekt yourself

Just a friendly reminder from me to you.

Helmets are sexy.

Why?

Because they PROTECT you, kind of how CONDOMS protect you!

What a coincidence! ;]

(photo by Lauren Embs)

tangible creations

Is this my privilege talking?

To give you some context to read this from, I am currently listening to "Power Pop Song" by Defiance, Ohio (extremely noteworthy band) and taking a break from researching psychology articles about sexual assault and substance abuse...

Therefore, I think that there is no time better than now to write about bicycles- bicycles and sex! And I need to ask,

Have you ever created something tangible that you loved with your own two hands? Do you remember how the material felt beneath your fingertips and brushing against your wrists? What about the rising tension in your muscles as you maneuvered parts together and around each other so that they fit just right? Did your sighs and exclamations change as you made mistakes, changed positions and came to see your final product?

I made a 12 gear a single speed for the first time this week, and it felt very good. Some righteous people showed me how to do it and I rocked the grease off of my old dirty Raleigh. And with my mind focused on the bicycle, I could not help but consider how lucky I was to be a woman in 2010 rather than in the past.

I can choose to cook and clean, or I can choose to ride a motorcycle across the states. Or, I can do both! I often forget that there was a time, a very long time, that the latter options did not exist for the woman. She could not have spent the day at a local bike shop in a tee shirt and shorts, bent over a greasy steel frame, screwing bolts and cutting chains. But I can! And why can I?

I can because people in the past felt, experienced, thought, spoke and created. Movements began in small places with few people and grew over time. So, while it is a rockin' sexy time to have a vagina, there is still need for change. Want to go make some together?

Sharing some heart-warming news

to me, anyways.

Touch me.

By the way, one of these was outside my window yesterday:

poem, pro-consent & pro-bike-alike

I feel some more poetry and sex talk subsuming this post. I do miss you, bicycles. I will return.

But, for starters, here as an updated poem:

Underwear

We are not fixed,

rather, free in

underwear

like

bicycles

provide room for

movement, for rotation,

to leap to turn to pose,

to motion you over with my

pointer-finger, tonight.

Tonight, no one but

you knows their

mauve and black stripes,

and drop down curvy handle-

bar-like hips and soft surfaces like

I know you and

your soft steps toward

me on this hard-wood floor

at your own speed

reciprocating the motion of our

cranking legs or our

relaxing coasts.

Switching gears... (not sure how I feel about that euphemism)

I cannot be more excited about the motion the Anti-Rape movement is undergoing. And for those of us not sure of what I speak to, please check out this vivacious woman's explanation. In brief, all of the much needed and fantastic energy placed on the Anti-Rape movement for the past forty plus years seems to currently be more focused on a sex positive, Pro-Consent frame.

This means that more people want to discuss sex in a comprehensive way that includes STI talk, Pregnancy talk and healthy relationships talk, but also want to give a voice to... pleasure! communication! toys! queer! contraception! And, dare I say more importantly, but some even want to talk about the gray areas, like, "What is a rape fantasy? Does it exist?" or, "What happens if the survivor and perpetrator were both drunk? Who is called the survivor and who is called the perpetrator?"

Those are just a couple of questions that I've been asked while doing presentations and had to steer through my mind to find something that might answer part of some of the questions. So, it seems like time to talk about all of this confusing crap, mostly so that we can all go on to have fun and safe sex lives! Yum.

So, what do Pro-Consent and Pro-Bicycle have in common? Not a whole lot, perhaps. But in my mind they are directly related. Imagine this scenario:

I am out with a couple of friends who are in a monogamous relationship. We start talking about sex, so I discuss my own choices and gripe about monogamy. They talk about why they like and are choosing monogamy, and we still disagree. All the while, we gain a little bit of knowledge and insight as to why we have such different ideas.

Now, imagine this scenario:

I am out with a couple of friends who ride fixed geared bikes without brAKEs. We start talking about riding, so I discuss my own choices and gripe about brAKEless fixies. They talk about why they like and choose to ride sans-brAKEs, and we still disagree. All the while, we gain a little bit of knowledge and insight as to why we have such different ideas.

Finally, I am not equating riding brAKEless fixed gear bicycles with monogamy, despite the hilarity in doing so. I am also not saying engaging in either activities is good or bad. I am saying that if we just fucking talk to each other and are honest and self aware when we do so, we can get a whole hell of a lot done, whether that means having better sex, being in more enjoyable relationships, riding fixed gear bicycles or road bikes. At the core of the Pro-Consent movement, after all, is communication. Am I right?

veladromes and rear ends

Yesterday was my first time visiting the Ed Rudolph Velodrome. Some fellows and I showed up early in the morning and rode for an hour due to our need to do things that pay our rent, sadly. All that this meant was that we did not stop going in circles for the hour. Therefore, I have some not-so-new-or-revolutionary-conclusions, in no particular order:

- Riding is fun

- Doing it in circles is somehow even more fun

- Pro cyclists are really fast

- More people should check this stuff out

- I need to eat better

Those being said, bikes are not cheap but you can find some affordable ones. I promise! Please just steer away from this one: yikes.

Also, of the eight people that were on the track, 2 were women! Rock on!

Finally, a friend of mine said recently, "I feel bad when I ride behind women because all I can see are their asses." In one way, I get it. This person did not want to feel bad about staring at a woman's backside-

-but what about all of the men who ride? I've ridden behind men and women with their asses in the air alike and did not feel bad about the view (when riding it's most important that you keep your eye on the road, cabs and pedestrians)... Must we always negatively sexualize our bodies? I say we must not. So what if an ass is in the air while riding your bike? We all got 'em! Let us accept them, enjoy them, change them, and move on, all in positive and respectful ways! Ya digg?

( If you feel bad for staring at a person's backside, you may want to stop staring then.)

bottom brackets and underwear

This is a second-ish draft.



Underwear

like

bicycle bottom brackets
provide room for
movement, for rotation,
to leap to turn to pose,
to motion you over with my
pointer-finger, tonight.
Tonight, no one but
you knows their
maroon and black stripes,
or drop down curves
or classic geometry like
I know you and
your soft steps toward
me on this hard-wood floor
in your own petite
bottom brackets
reciprocating the motion of
our cranking legs or
our relaxing coasts.

We are not fixed, but
free in underwear.



And, unrelated to the poem, this wonderful piece of merchandise is an underwear rug!

post, the first

Hhmm... sex and bicycles...

A new type of porn?
No, at least not on this website, that is.
The media's attempt to sell more bikes?
No, at least not on this website, that is.

Rather, this blog is a place for me to write (and talk with you) about the two things that I love most. If you like bicycles, read on. If you like sex, read on. If you like both, it's your lucky day. If you enjoy neither, I encourage you to consider the positives (and negatives) of both activities! Let's enjoy these things with pleasure, honesty and safety, my fellow cyber-readers, ya digg?

-------------

With it being April of my last quarter as an undergraduate student, my future plans are consistently discussed and thought about. Throughout these past four years I've manged to conclude two things about said topic of discussion:
1. I want to continue riding my bicycle.
2. I want to continue working to end sexual violence.

Combining these two ideas is a long term goal, but for now I'll have to deal with them operating in separate spheres (transportation set aside, that is).

Working as a bike delivery person for the corporate world will have to suffice the bicycle end of my current situation, but thankfully the other half is much more involved. Some amazing people and I are working to begin SHEER: Sexuality Health Education to End Rape, and we've got some exciting projects in the works.

It is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, by the way! Woo hoo! Check out your local rape crisis center for ways to get involved. If you live in the Chicago area, here is a link: http://www.rapevictimadvocates.org/

Alas, while you wait eagerly to hear an update, here is a photo for your viewing pleasure:

Me want.