Proactivity

It feels good to be back to Sex & Bicycles! Right now I feel like we need to talk about a couple of ways to be proactive about what we want. So...

A century ride is a 100 mile bike trip. I've been on a bicycle for sixteen young & wonderful months now, and have yet to ride 100 miles in one sitting. I am planning a trip up from Chicago to Milwaukee, with my destination being the Tool Shed, An Erotic Boutique. Anyone want to come along? It is my understanding that it should take me 5-7 hours if I go on my own, and 4-6 hours if I go with a group. Right now I only own a fixie, but I can make it a single speed. I don't know how I feel about riding a fixie 100 miles... I may want to cut my legs off by the end and I do miss coasting. This might be a good excuse to finally build up a decent road ride! Also, any ideas for a route and place to stay for 1 night?

So, a century ride is a 100 mile bike trip, right? A century ride in 2010 means a 100 mile ride in the 21st century, ya digg? 100 miles is a far distance, not so far on a bicycle, but nonetheless is a far distance, agreed? I believe that we have come 100 figurative miles in the Anti-Rape movement in the past 40 years. My evidence is that we have anti-rape laws, sexual assault advocates in court and hospitals, sex education and rape prevention coalitions. But, let us consider the fact that it is 2010, soon to be 2011, and we still have things like this happening. This video depicts Yale Fraternity brothers chanting, "No means yes! Yes means anal!" I've got a few things to clarify about this statement:

1. No does not mean yes, and yes does not mean anal. The only time I can imagine that being correct is when partners discuss language and decide that is how they want to engage one another. And if that is the case, those people need to have other words to stand in for "no" and "yes," safe words.

2. It is not okay that future lawyers, CEOs, politicians and doctors are chanting such words. Yale graduates are typically thought to hold strong roles in our society. They hold a lot of weight in their fields, so people are more likely to believe what they have to say. Therefore, they need to become educated on rape culture and sexual health before they become leaders. If they do not, rape culture will continue, and we will continue to hear chants supporting assault, people will continue experiencing assault and it will be normalized because people in power will practice it. I am not saying that all of these graduates will rape, but they will continue supporting a culture that supports rape if they do not become educated.

3. You can help facilitate this education. You can help stop this behavior in relatively simple ways. One way is to talk about current events such as this one, and specifically about how chants like this one make it easier for people to rape because it is explicitly supported and normalized by people we are taught to respect.

However, I know that conversations like this one can feel awkward and untimely, so a more fun way is to practice open communication about what you want and do not want with your sexual partner(s). Think about this. Let's hypothetically say you want to be spanked during sex and your partner has never done that before. By telling them what you want, showing them where you want it and explaining how hard/soft you want it, you are giving them the chance to understand less traditional sexual behaviors. Whether or not they spank you is up to them, but the conversation about consensual spanking happened, and they will bring that knowledge with them to their next partner(s). Talking about untraditional desires can be frightening, that is for sure, so take your time. It can be helpful to discuss less threatning things first, and move on to the other desires later. Either way, you are making a positive difference in our culture's understanding of sexuality by talking about what you want! How fabulous is that?